Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn
that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears,
he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made
passionate love.

Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only
have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Carolyn
agreed and again they made love.

Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Carolyn's shoulder and said, "Honey?
Please? Just one more time before I die." She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep.

Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and
turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife
on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could
we...?"

His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Barry, I'm not being funny ...but I have to get up in the morning and you don't."

 MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

 some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

paddy and murphy work on a building site and have just finished work and are walking down the road with their tools in their hands :Paddy notices a JOBS Vacant sign and they both decide to apply for the jobs.
Paddy goes first.
I will ask you three questions and if you get them right you will get the job. Said the interviewer.
What is Jesus mother name?
Mary!
where was Jesus born?
in a stable!
name two disciples?
Matthew, mark!
well done you have the job.
paddy goes out to murphy and tells him that he has the job and tells him he will be asked three questions. Murphy panics and says
I wont be able to remember that.
Don't worry i will write it on the back of the spade.says paddy.
murphy goes in.
what is Jesus mothers name?
Murphy turns the spade a little and peers at the back and says "Mary"
Where was Jesus born?
He turns the spade a little peers at the back again and says "In a stable"
name two disciples?
as Murphy turns the spade to look at it he catches it on his leg all of the answers have gone.
Name two disciples?
Spear and Jackson! no regrets!
ONE LIFE LIVE IT.

 MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

The Ways That Women Think!


A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers : Please scroll down.

...
...


...

...



...

...


The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife .

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show


PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

 some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

 MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

Loving Wife...this wife can be an example to all of us

A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he
finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him
to a chair.
While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed the convict gets on top
of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
"Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's
probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I
saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't
complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he
nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry,
he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in
my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we
had any Vaseline.

I told him it was in the bathroom.
Be strong honey. I love you, too." some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

 MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here are 12 of the finest double-entendres that were aired on British
TV & Radio -

1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava
from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'

2. New ZealandRugbyCommentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when
Dary Gibson comes inside of him.'

3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely
horse. I once rode her mother.'

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah,
isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing
the Cox of the Oxford crew.'

5. USPGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer)
is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes
out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god!!!!! What have I
just said?!!!!'

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time
Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob,
where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did
HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were
laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the USMasters: 'Ballesteros felt much
better today after a 69 yesterday.'

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:
'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night
like this.'

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:
'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'

11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a
male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UKeclipse coverage remarked:
They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only
come in his shorts.'

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie
Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick
likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'