Nice one, as usual, Cliff!!!  MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

LONDON OLYMPICS 2012

What you may not know is that many of the famous events which go to
make up this spectacular event, are to be especially altered for 2012.
This is to ensure that nobody feels left out as dictated by Mayor Ken
Livingstone and that Londoners have a good chance of medals.

A copy of these changes has been leaked, and is reproduced below:

OPENING CEREMONY
The flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown by a native of
Kennington in the traditional dress of Burberry baseball cap and a white
shell suit The flame will be contained in a large overturned police van
situated on the roof of the stadium.

THE EVENTS
In previous Olympic Games, England's competitors have not been
particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the
events have been altered slightly to the advantage of local athletes.

100 METRES SPRINT
Competitors will have to hold a DVD player and microwave oven (one in
each arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police dog will be
released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes.

110 METRES HURDLES
As above but with added obstacles (e.g. car bonnets, hedges, garden
fences, walls, junkies, etc)

HAMMER
Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to
use (claw, sledge etc) the winner will be the one who can cause the
most physical damage within three attempts.

FENCING
This event shall be sponsored by Cash Converters who shall also
provide the hardware. The contest itself shall be based outside kebab
shops in Lambeth Fulham, Havering, and Chelsea....the winner shall be
the one who can leave A & E first.

SHOOTING
A strong challenge is expected from local men in this event. The first
target will be a moving police van. In the second round, competitors
will aim at a post office clerk, bank teller or Securicor-style wages
delivery man.The traditional .22 rifle has been replaced in this event
by a choice of either a Browning automatic handgun or sawn-off 12-bore
shotgun.

BOXING
Entry to the boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams and
will take place on a Friday night. The husband will be given 15 pints
of lager while the wife will be told not to make him any tea when he
gets home. The bout will then commence.

CYCLING TIME TRIALS
Competitors will be asked to break into the City of London's
University bike shed and take an expensive mountain bike owned by
some mummy's boy on his first trip away from home.
All against the clock

MODERN PENTATHLON
Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering, flashing,
joyriding, underage drinking and arson.

MEN'S 50KM WALK
Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled, as the police cannot
guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of London,
especially anyone that appears to be mincing...

THE CLOSING CEREMONY
Entertainment will include formation Morris dancing by members of
Chelsea 'Health in the Community', anti-drug campaigners, synchronised
rock throwing, and music by the Cockney community choir.

The flame will be extinguished by police riot water cannon following
an inevitable pitch invasion by drunk and confused Arsenal fans.

The stadium itself will then be boarded up before the local athletes
break into it and remove all the copper piping and the central heating.

COMMEMORATIVE PAPERWORK

After the staging of the LONDON Olympics, special commemorative
paperwork will be sent to every lucky rural homeowner regardless of how
far away from the event they live. Livingstone has persuaded the Blair
government that this is NOT elitist at all and that he has not received
any complaints so far from inner Londoners, council tenants, the illegal
aliens groups or those numerous local residents on benefits . The cost
of these commemorative papers is as yet undetermined but will be
directly proportional to the eventual cost of hosting the games. It is
anticipated that this will not be more than six times the original
estimate given by Mr Livingstone at the time of the bid for the games.

You will know that you have been specially selected to receive these
special commemorative papers by the words 'TAX DEMAND' written in the
top left hand corner.

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children... "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turns to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers. "Come on, Dick, we're leaving.

An Irish woman was admitted to hospital after having phone sex.

Doctors removed 2 Nokia, 3 Motorola and a Samsung

No Siemen was found.




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

Very poor...  

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

Scientists Have Crossed A Chicken
With An Onion And Finally Got A Cock
That Can Bring Tears To A Womans Eyes

 RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

All very funny fellas!  MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court, but the
custody of their children posed a problem. The mother jumped to her
feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the
children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked
for his side of the story.

After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and
replied: "Judge, when I put a dollar into a vending machine, and a
Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or to the machine?"


Don't laugh, he won. RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

True

 some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

 Arctic Frost TDV6 SE. Aspen Leather, Cherry Wood, Privacy Glass, PTI, Tow Pack, Mudflaps, Tasmods, a new Fuelflap, a RRSport.co.uk umbrella in the boot & a RRSport.co.uk sticker on the rear glass.
__________________

Some people accuse me of thinking the world revolves around me, but I'm not stupid . . . I know it revolves around the sun. Which shines out of my @rse!!!