An elderly couple was driving cross-country, and the woman was driving. She gets pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer says, "Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?"

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

The old man yells, "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING."

The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

The old man yells, "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE." The woman gives him her license.

The patrolman says, "I see you are from Reading, I spent some time there once, had the worst sex with a woman I have ever had."

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

"HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU," the old man yells.

 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

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IBM Mouse Balls...

This is an actual alert to IBM Field Engineers that went out to all IBM Branch Offices. The person who wrote it was very serious. I know this to be true.
because I found it on the Internet.





Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit)
Mouse balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.

It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction, and that any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.

To re-order, specify one of the following:

P/N 33F8462 - Domestic Mouse Balls
P/N 33F8461 - Foreign Mouse Balls

The Lord of the Manor
The Lord of the manor returned from his grouse hunt quite a bit earlier than expected. He entered the master bedroom to change, and found her Ladyship making passionate love to Sir Reginald Carpley. The irate Lord stood stiffly and loudly berated his wife for her infidelity.

With thunder in his voice, he reminded her that he had taken her from a miserable existence on a local run-down farm, given her a fine home, provided her with servants, expensive clothes and jewels, and almost anything she desired.

By this time the woman was crying inconsolably, his Lordship then turned his wrath on his supposed friend:

"And as for you Reggie -- you might at least have the decency to stop while I'm talking

 MY10 TDV6 HSE, Alaska White, Ebony with Contrast, Park Heat, Paddle Shift, Privacy, Heated Steering Wheel, Extended & Premium Leather,

MY07 TDV6 HSE, Zermatt Silver, Gone

-----------------------------
1964 Austin Healey 3000

2007 LR Defender

2011 VW Tiguan R Line

 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

 some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

 RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

The Tribal Wisdom of the North American Indian

Tribal wisdom, passed on from generation to generation, says that,
"When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy
is to dismount."

However, in the corporate world, and especially in government agencies,
more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride horses.
5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.
7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.
9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase dead horse's performance.
10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve
the dead horse's performance.
11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less
costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially
more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.
12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.

And of course everyone's favourite...







13. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.

Air Force One accidentally flew through a previously unknown cloud of high altitude volcanic ash.
After many attempts to restart all four engines had failed and owing to their distance out at sea, the crew decided that they would have to ditch in the ocean.
They delegated the task of telling the passengers to a blunt, no nonsense marine who decided that as his last act he would display a sense of humor.
"Mr President, Ladies and Gentlemen we are going to attempt to ditch the aircraft into the ocean so assume the brace position, put your head between your knees and kiss your ar e goodbye !!"
George W couldn't comply.
Instead he put his head between his legs and said:
" Well it looks like we're finished, Tony and John ."

A Red Indian Chief was constipated for a week. He sent his Brave to the Medicene Man.

Brave: "Big Chief no sh*t!"
Medicene Man makes a concotion and hands it to the Brave: "Tell Chief to take at bedtime. Will be fine in the morning".

Next day Brave is at Medicene Man's tent: "Big Chief still no sh*t!"

Medicene man makes stronger medicene and gives to Brave.

Following day, Brave again tells Medicene Man: "Big Chief still no sh*t!"

Medicene Man this time make very powerful medicene for Big Chief.

Next morning, Brave is very early at Medicene Man's:

"Big sh*t, no Chief!" Malaysia Boleh!
4.2SC Chawton White, Stormers
Tasmod's Sills, Wind Deflectors, LR Sills
Clear Side Repeaters, Towbar
Larini Sports Exhaust, K&N Air Filter
______________________________
WINNER - 2008 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award
WINNER - 2009 Outstanding Contribution
WINNER - 2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award

The little boy wanted to know how the chief named all the warriors in the tribe.
"It's easy " he said "the first thing I see after the brave is born is what I name it"
"Why do you ask, two dogs ro ting "

Many Australian women complain that most Australian men suffer from premature ejaculation.
The reason they state is that the men are in a hurry to flash off down to the pub to crow about their latest conquest.
THIS IS FEMINIST RUBBISH.
None of us intentionally has sex whilst the pubs are open !