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JayMann



Member Since: 19 Jan 2006
Location: Stop acting like snob when you just won the Lotto!
Posts: 22898

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Buckingham Blue

An old, white haired man walked into a jewellers
one Friday
evening with a beautiful young girl at his side. He
told the jeweller he
was
looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweller looked through his stock and brought
out a £5,000 ring
and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't
think you understand, I
want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweller went to his special
stock and brought
another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only
£40,000," the
jeweller said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and
her! whole body trembled
with
excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll
take it."
The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the
old man stated "By
cheque. I know you need to make sure the cheque is
good, so I'll write it
now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify
the funds and I'll
pick the ring up Monday afternoon,"
Monday morning, & a very Censored -off jeweller phoned the
old man. "You old
fart,you lied. There's no money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the
weekend I had?" RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident


I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Post #16793 Fri Mar 10 2006 8:47pm
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TB



Member Since: 19 Feb 2006
Location: Depends who wants to know . . .
Posts: 5927

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 SE Arctic Frost

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Thumbs Up Arctic Frost TDV6 SE. Aspen Leather, Cherry Wood, Privacy Glass, PTI, Tow Pack, Mudflaps, Tasmods, a new Fuelflap, a RRSport.co.uk umbrella in the boot & a RRSport.co.uk sticker on the rear glass.
__________________

Some people accuse me of thinking the world revolves around me, but I'm not stupid . . . I know it revolves around the sun. Which shines out of my @rse!!!

Post #16794 Fri Mar 10 2006 8:49pm
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JayMann



Member Since: 19 Jan 2006
Location: Stop acting like snob when you just won the Lotto!
Posts: 22898

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Buckingham Blue

Two men walk into a pet shop in Dingle, Ireland. They head to the bird
section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem."
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take
four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag.
Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's
truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.
At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000' foot drop and says,
"Dis looks like a grand place."
He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps
off the cliff.
Paddy watches as Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself
stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and
says,
"Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!"

THERE'S MORE

Moment's later, Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass.
He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff
carrying another paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other.
"Hi, Paddy. Watch dis," Seamus says. He takes a parrot from the bag and
throws
himself over the edge of the cliff.
Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the
parrot.
Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and
breaks every bone in his body.
Paddy shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat
parrotshooting
either!"

IT IS NOT OVER YET

Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean Og
appears.
He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag out of which
he pulls a chicken.
Sean Og then hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down
until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.
Once more Paddy shakes his head.
"Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den
Seamus
parrotshooting... and now Sean Og and his fook'n hen gliding!" RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident


I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Post #17494 Tue Mar 14 2006 11:28pm
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TB



Member Since: 19 Feb 2006
Location: Depends who wants to know . . .
Posts: 5927

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 SE Arctic Frost

Laughing Rolling with laughter Laughing Arctic Frost TDV6 SE. Aspen Leather, Cherry Wood, Privacy Glass, PTI, Tow Pack, Mudflaps, Tasmods, a new Fuelflap, a RRSport.co.uk umbrella in the boot & a RRSport.co.uk sticker on the rear glass.
__________________

Some people accuse me of thinking the world revolves around me, but I'm not stupid . . . I know it revolves around the sun. Which shines out of my @rse!!!

Post #17502 Wed Mar 15 2006 12:12am
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MDP



Member Since: 15 Jun 2005
Location: Back in an AUDI
Posts: 8598

United Kingdom 

Thud 
" WITH MORE EXTRAS THAN A HOLLYWOOD EPIC "

Post #17554 Wed Mar 15 2006 10:29am
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shmoogle



Member Since: 07 Sep 2005
Location: ... and for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!
Posts: 24350

United Kingdom 

Laughing Laughing Laughing What would we do without the Irish, eh? Wink 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up


Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

Post #17556 Wed Mar 15 2006 10:31am
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Very Annoyed
Site Moderator


Member Since: 23 Aug 2005
Location: bat-wielding monkey-spanking tough-love zero-tolerance Euro-sceptic moderator - So just watch it!
Posts: 19459

United Kingdom 

Thumbs Up 2005 Zambezi TDV6 - Gone but not forgotten
2009 Alaska TDV8 - Gone and much missed.



WINNER - 2009 �Idler Of The Year� Award
Runner Up - 2009 �Just Doing What It�s Designed To Do� Award


DO NOT CLICK HERE!

Post #17557 Wed Mar 15 2006 10:32am
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JayMann



Member Since: 19 Jan 2006
Location: Stop acting like snob when you just won the Lotto!
Posts: 22898

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Buckingham Blue

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the boys". I told my wife that I would be home by midnight ..promise!

Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At around 2:30 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having a quick-witted solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.

The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her twelve o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock.

When I asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh Censored ," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted." RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident


I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Post #18993 Sun Mar 19 2006 6:17pm
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Andy



Member Since: 15 Oct 2005
Location: Shropshire
Posts: 1369

United Kingdom 

Rolling with laughter

Post #18998 Sun Mar 19 2006 7:12pm
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Mossy



Member Since: 17 Mar 2006
Location: Chester
Posts: 35

United Kingdom 

What did the zero say to the number eight?



Nice Belt!

Post #19000 Sun Mar 19 2006 7:27pm
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TB



Member Since: 19 Feb 2006
Location: Depends who wants to know . . .
Posts: 5927

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 SE Arctic Frost

Thud Arctic Frost TDV6 SE. Aspen Leather, Cherry Wood, Privacy Glass, PTI, Tow Pack, Mudflaps, Tasmods, a new Fuelflap, a RRSport.co.uk umbrella in the boot & a RRSport.co.uk sticker on the rear glass.
__________________

Some people accuse me of thinking the world revolves around me, but I'm not stupid . . . I know it revolves around the sun. Which shines out of my @rse!!!

Post #19002 Sun Mar 19 2006 7:43pm
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shmoogle



Member Since: 07 Sep 2005
Location: ... and for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!
Posts: 24350

United Kingdom 

Mossy wrote:
What did the zero say to the number eight?



Nice Belt!

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up


Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

Post #19120 Mon Mar 20 2006 11:46am
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MDP



Member Since: 15 Jun 2005
Location: Back in an AUDI
Posts: 8598

United Kingdom 

Look it is Monday morning - i've only just seen the penny drop Embarassed Thud 
" WITH MORE EXTRAS THAN A HOLLYWOOD EPIC "

Post #19122 Mon Mar 20 2006 11:48am
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JayMann



Member Since: 19 Jan 2006
Location: Stop acting like snob when you just won the Lotto!
Posts: 22898

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Buckingham Blue

http://www.break.com/index/cleverkicker21.html RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident


I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Post #19888 Wed Mar 22 2006 7:31pm
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Dr. Juice



Member Since: 09 Mar 2006
Location: Leeds
Posts: 11

England 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Java Black

NOT FOR THE CHILDREN, NOR VA

Try this, only got to level 3.


Make sure you have the volume up.


http://www.winterrowd.com/maze.swf RRS TDV6 HSE
BLACK/BLACK, DYNAMIC PACK, P GLASS,
S ROOF, PTI, TOW, FLAPS AND NOT FORGETTING THE RUBBER MATS
UNFORTUNATELY IT'S MY WIFE'S!........maybe!
BMW 330CI SPORT
KAWASAKI ZX10R

Post #20130 Thu Mar 23 2006 5:08pm
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