MALE GENITALIA-RELATED ACCIDENTS (all apparently true)

* When a 40-year old man arrived at a hospital asking to see a doctor specialising in 'mens's troubles', he was shown to a cubicle. There, he gingerly unwrapped three yards of foul smelling, stained gauze from around his scrotum, which had swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit.

On further inspection, it was discovered that his left testicle was missing completely and, embedded within the swollen, tender and weeping wound, were a number of dark objects which the patient confessed were one-inch staple nails from an industrial staple gun. It transpired that the man spent lunchtimes alone in the workshop, where he regularly enjoyed the sexual thrill of placing his penis on the moving canvas fan belt of a piece of machinery. One day, the excitement had caused him to lose his concentration and the fan-belt had snatched his scrotum into the fly-wheel, throwing him several feet across the floor and removing his left testicle. Rather than go to hospital, he self-administered first aid using a staple gun and then continued work when his colleagues returned. It was two weeks before he got around to visiting the hospital.

* A man arrived at a hospital wearing an overcoat and with blood dripping down his leg. When he removed the coat, the doctor saw he had a geranium inserted in his penis. The man had got the flower in without any difficulty, but when he tried to remove it, the 'hairs' on the stem of the flower had dug into the urethra and ripped it to shreds.

* A policeman in Staffordshire returned home from a night shift to his wife preparing breakfast. For some unknown reason, he wrapped a slice of bread around his penis, at which point the dog leapt up and took a bite out of it.

The man required cosmetic surgery to repair the damage.

* A 34-year old New Yorker injected a cocaine solution into his penis to heighten his sexual pleasure. After enjoying intercourse with his girlfriend on not one, but two occasions, he noticed that his erection was still in its full glory. Having struggled to sleep through the night, he awoke to find his boner still standing proud. Due to his concern that the police discover his possession, and indeed use of an illegal substance, he decided against visiting his doctor.

However, after three days of enduring headaches and nausea caused by the constant trouser swelling, he went to the hospital in search of help. He was immediately admitted and referred to a specialist who diagnosed a 'lack of oxygen to vital blood streams' in his body as the cause of his sickness. He was given numerous drugs to combat the swelling and infection but shortly afterwards, developed blood clots in various parts of his body, ultimately leading to the onset of gangrene.

As a result of his condition, he lost both of his legs, nine fingers and his penis.

* A student (American I believe) studying in Ireland took up rugby. As his first season progressed, he and his companions were eventually scheduled to play a team, which had a reputation for violent play. Considering that they weren't the most talented outfit to grace the field, they decided to accept the challenge with a 'do or die' mentality, hoping that the game would eventually swing in their favour.

They didn't. To make matters worse, Alan their star player, dislocated his pelvis after a particularly ferocious tackle. The player was clearly in a lot of pain so everyone stood back to allow the medic to, in one swift movement, pop the leg back into the socket. Alan released a long, blood-curdling scream. To their horror, they realised that one of his testicles had been jammed in the socket and was now firmly held in the place between the femur and pelvis.

Incidentally, Alan managed to rip a vocal chord as a consequence of his screaming. some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

ouch  

That last one has made my eyes water  some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

I dunno whether to laugh or cry?  MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

If you had one of your balls caught in the socket between your femur and your pelvis and you were laughing i would say that you were not right in the head  some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

Wouldn't be too right in the Tackle Department either???  MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

OOOOHHHHHH it makes you squerm at the thought  some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

ENVOY wrote:

OOOOHHHHHH I get a hard-on at the very thought

Envoy, you really should seek medical help!  MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

[quote="Brian Mason"]

ENVOY wrote:

[b]OOOOHHHHHH I get a hard-on at the very thought

Right im off to use it then  some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

To stir your cocoa?  MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

I'm off as well later boys  RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Lightweights! Nite-nite boys.  MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

Not well mate and still have to do 13 hour days RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Hope you're having regular Night Nurse? Good luck mate!!! MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

A nurse a night yeah i am well almost  RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)