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Kaine



Member Since: 27 May 2006
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12 of the finest double-entendres aired on British TV&Ra

An oldie, but still a classic - number 7 is the best IMO Laughing

1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."

5. US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday."

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

Post #87828 Tue Feb 27 2007 12:06pm
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Post #87831 Tue Feb 27 2007 12:10pm
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Post #87840 Tue Feb 27 2007 12:16pm
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Post #87842 Tue Feb 27 2007 12:18pm
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TonyMeg



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Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Big Cry Big Cry Bow down Bow down Thumbs Up

Post #87861 Tue Feb 27 2007 12:51pm
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ATM



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Brilliant Thumbs Up Something else is always something better:

07 Java TDV8 Sport & toys

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My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was

God, and I didn't.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and
suffering.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
For Sale: Wedding dress, size 8. Worn once by mistake.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman: Before
marriage and after marriage.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Why were hurricanes usually named after women? Because when they
arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house
and car
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too
qualified for the job. "Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any
actual experience in picking lemons?" "Well, as a matter if fact, yes!"

she replied ? "I've been divorced three times."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he
has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe,
but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the

curse on you.
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and
wife."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Reason Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder: All the DNA is the
same.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely
ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out

line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when

the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and

asked sweetly, So which six items would you like to buy?" Wouldn't it
be great if that happened more often?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly
neighbour and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a

table. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may

not have 45 minutes " They were seated immediately.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they
would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the

aisle
They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her
father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews
responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As

her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his
credit card.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax
and get used to the idea.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in
your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over
you, what would you like them to say?" Artie said: "I would like them
to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great

family man." Eugene
commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and
servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives." Al said:

"I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to
God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord... "God, what does a million years mean to

you?
The Lord replies, "A minute." Smith asks, "And what does a million
dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny." Smith asks, "Can I
have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me.

Every
evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps

with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think should
do?"
"Relax,
says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me,
exactly where is Larry's bar?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last
request, dear," he said. "Of course, John," his wife said softly. "Six

months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob." "But I thought

you hated Bob,"
she
said. With his last breath John said, "I do!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening
and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised
by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling
you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?" The Rabbi then

offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find
out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls the man and
says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for
three hours. You want my advice?" The man said yes and the Rabbi!
replied, "Take the poison." 2005 Zambezi TDV6 - Gone but not forgotten
2009 Alaska TDV8 - Gone and much missed.



WINNER - 2009 �Idler Of The Year� Award
Runner Up - 2009 �Just Doing What It�s Designed To Do� Award


DO NOT CLICK HERE!

Post #87883 Tue Feb 27 2007 1:23pm
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Kaine



Member Since: 27 May 2006
Location: Hills of Shropshire
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United Kingdom 

all so true Thumbs Up Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

Post #87885 Tue Feb 27 2007 1:30pm
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shmoogle



Member Since: 07 Sep 2005
Location: ... and for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!
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United Kingdom 

Laughing Laughing Laughing 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up


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Post #87893 Tue Feb 27 2007 1:52pm
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MDP



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" WITH MORE EXTRAS THAN A HOLLYWOOD EPIC "

Post #87931 Tue Feb 27 2007 3:32pm
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TonyMeg



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Spot on Thumbs Up Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter

Post #87959 Tue Feb 27 2007 5:54pm
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ENVOY



Member Since: 09 Nov 2006
Location: In the shit as usual
Posts: 5823

United Kingdom 2013 Range Rover Sport SDV6 Autobiography Arctic Frost

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Bow down some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

Post #87977 Tue Feb 27 2007 6:57pm
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Brian Mason



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Brilliant! Very Happy

Post #88640 Thu Mar 01 2007 1:24pm
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