Not quite so dead as him, but yeah basically that's the idea...  

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

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A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying:

"God bless Mommy,
God bless Daddy,
God bless Grandma
and good-bye Grandpa."

The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers that went like this:

"God bless Mommy,
God Bless Daddy
and good-bye Grandma."

The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:

"God bless Mommy
and good-bye Daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack! Of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.

He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"

He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch."

 RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Women can't fart properly because they don't keep their mouths shut long enough to build up decent pressure

at both!  

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The
doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said "Things are
great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is
pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began. "I have an
older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a
season. One day when he was setting off hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry
and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he
neared a lake he came
across a very large male beaver sitting at
the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so couldn't
shoot the magnificent creature but out of habit he raised his cane, aimed
it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang,
bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now,
what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.

The 80-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a
couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly".

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his
help in reviving her husband's libido.
"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.
"Not a chance," she said. "He won't even take an aspirin!"
"Not a problem," replied the doc. "Give him an Irish Viagra.
Drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call
me in a week to let me know how things went."

It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who inquired as to progress.
The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah!
T'was horrid. Just terrible, doctor!"
"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the
effect was almost immediate. He jumped hisself straight up, with a
twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one
swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me
clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad,
passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I
tell you, an absolute nightmare!"

Why so terrible?" asked the doctor. "Do you mean the sex your
husband provided wasn't good?"
"Oh, no, no, no, Doctor, the sex was fine indeed! Twas the best sex
I've had in 25 years!

But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face
in Starbucks again!"

 RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Overheard in the old folks home.

John why did you leave me ?
What's she got that I haven't

"Parkinsons"

Blonde Genies......!

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.

Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes.

The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women.
He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.

Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills.

Then, there's a knock at the door. He answers it and standing there are two people dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits.

They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead.

As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the two blonde genies.

One blonde genie says to the other one," I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.. I can also understand him wanting to be a multi - millionaire. But why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me." some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the
doctors

"Doctor, I don't feel too good," said the little paper bag.

"Hmm, you look OK to me," said the Doctor, "but I'll do a blood test and
see what that shows, come back and see me in a couple of days."

The little paper bag felt no better when he got back for the results.

"What's wrong with me?" asked the little paper bag.

"I'm afraid you are HIV positive!" said the doctor.

"No, I can't be - I'm just a little paper bag!" said the little paper
bag.

"Have you been having unprotected sex?" asked the doctor.

"No, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!"

"Well, have you been sharing needles with other intravenous drug users?"
asked the doctor.

"No, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!"

"Perhaps you've been abroad recently and required a jab or a blood
transfusion?" queried the doctor.

"No, I don't have a passport - I'm just a little paper bag!"

"Well", said the doctor, "are you in a homosexual relationship?"

"No! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm just a little paper
bag!"

"Then there can be only one explanation." said the doctor .
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this is good - wait for it .... .... .... .... ....
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"Your mother must have been a carrier" some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!