A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a
particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her
for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman replied.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked.

"No, I don't waste time shopping", the homeless woman said. "I need to
spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this at a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked.

"Are you NUTS?" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight".

The homeless woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine." Malaysia Boleh!
4.2SC Chawton White, Stormers
Tasmod's Sills, Wind Deflectors, LR Sills
Clear Side Repeaters, Towbar
Larini Sports Exhaust, K&N Air Filter
______________________________
WINNER - 2008 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award
WINNER - 2009 Outstanding Contribution
WINNER - 2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award

 RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Choice Of Girlfriend

There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spends it.

The first one goes out and gets a total make over with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."

The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."

The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.

Jesus and the Scouser

An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.

They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner. He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.

They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: "My God, it's Jesus!" Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.

Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter. Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another. After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.

He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: "My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!"

Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. "Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's a miracle."

Jesus then approaches the Scouser who knocks over a chair and a table in trying to get away from the Son of God. "What's wrong?" says Jesus.

The Scouser shouts, "F*** off, I'm on disability benefit!"

Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.

After receiving the papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers, "Your
eminence, we have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to donate
£100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us
this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'."

The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the word of the Lord, It must not be changed."

Well," says the Nescafe man, "We anticipated your reluctance. For this
Reason, we will increase our offer to £300 million. All we require is that
you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to
Give us this day our daily coffee'."

Again, the Pope replies, "That, my son, is impossible. For the prayer is
the word of the Lord and it must not be changed."

Finally, the Nescafe guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your
adherence to your faith, but we do have one final offer. We will donate
£500 million - that's half a billion quid - to the great Catholic church if
you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily
bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'. Please consider it." And he
leaves.

The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals. "There is some
Good news," he announces, "and some bad news..... The good news is that the Church will come into £500 million."

"And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.

"We're losing the Hovis Account."

 RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Fred and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon,

so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny , Fred's little brother, gets up and has his
breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school ,

he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to
school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom,

"Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She Replies, "No."
Johnny says, " Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies,

"Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,

"Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says, "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I
gave him my airplane glue."




 RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

BILLY'S DAD.

Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the children
what their fathers did for a living.
All the typical answers came out, fireman, policeman, salesman, chippy,
captain of industry etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet
and so the teacher asked him what his father did at work.

"My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his
clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good,
he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep
with him."

The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little
Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.
"No" said Billy, "He plays cricket for England but I was just too
embarrassed to say." 
" WITH MORE EXTRAS THAN A HOLLYWOOD EPIC "

Even I got that one  

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

 RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

9 Months Later...

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up
Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got
caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked
the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge
house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid
the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn.
And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed,
and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They
enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember
that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up
north about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do." said Bob

"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up
to the houseand pay her a visit?"

"Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found
out, "I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her
your name?"

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry,
buddy.
I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?... now
keep that smile for the rest of the day.) RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

- there you go  
" WITH MORE EXTRAS THAN A HOLLYWOOD EPIC "

Nice ending  

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

About time there was a different ending  RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)