Geordie hinny

(this really needs to be spoken rather than typed - but we'll give it a try.....). You need to read it out loud swapping between your best Geordie and your best VA speech........

My Aunty Bessie won the lottery recently and it couldn't have happened to a nicer women. She and her husband (Uncle Bob) are the most down to earth, hard working, honest Geordies you will ever meet (or will never meet if you are VA). Aunty Bessie wanted to live out her dreams, so booked a cruise on the QE2 staying in the best cabin. They bought lots of new clothes and jewellry before the big day arrived and they set off from Southamption.

That evening they were invited to dine at the Captain's table. Aunty Bessie was beside herself with excitment as she sat down next to this really posh, prim and proper lady at the table. Aunty Bessie says to the lady beside her:

"Eeee love ain't this grand, 'av niver bin ta such a posh place in me life like"

The Lady says "Oh yes it is splendid isn't it"

Bessie "Splendid, will I nearly wet mesell win I sor whit a grand ganings on. I canna bilieve am here like"

Lady "Oh yes it is splendid isn't it"

Bessie "I canna bilieve it ya knars, its a dream cum troo"

Lady "Yes we do love it on the QE2"

Bessie "Ya means ya've dun this before like?"

Lady "Oh yes, we love it on the QE2, we use her all the time you know"

Bessie "Way how on orth de ya afford ta come on here all the time like ?"

Lady "Well you see my husband works for Cunard"

Besie "Way my husband works fu**in hard too like....." RRS TDv8 HSE Rimini
Disco 4 TDv6 HSE Ipanema
Defender 90, 200tdi CSW

During a check-up, the doctor tells a couple that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

"Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" his wife asks.
"No. I can remember that."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget."
"I can remember - you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that. Want to write it down?"
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down. Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"

Then he toddles to the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, he returns and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment, then asks, "Where's my toast?" Malaysia Boleh!
4.2SC Chawton White, Stormers
Tasmod's Sills, Wind Deflectors, LR Sills
Clear Side Repeaters, Towbar
Larini Sports Exhaust, K&N Air Filter
______________________________
WINNER - 2008 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award
WINNER - 2009 Outstanding Contribution
WINNER - 2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award

 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

Both V.FUNNY  
" WITH MORE EXTRAS THAN A HOLLYWOOD EPIC "

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a
smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a
condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues
smoking.

Maude: What in the hell is that?

Mable: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Maude: Where did you get it?

Mable: You can get them at any chemist.

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely
(she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what
brand of condom she prefers.

"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted. RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

 2002 Discovery Adventurer LE
1998 Freelander xedi
Ertl limited edition RRS model number 817

nice one smarticus  

 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

Very good!  2005 Zambezi TDV6 - Gone but not forgotten
2009 Alaska TDV8 - Gone and much missed.



WINNER - 2009 �Idler Of The Year� Award
Runner Up - 2009 �Just Doing What It�s Designed To Do� Award


DO NOT CLICK HERE!

What's the definition of the bravest man in the world??

The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of

perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says: "You're next,

fatty."

********************************

Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is

lying in bed reading.

Man says: "This is the pig I have s*x with when you've got a headache."

Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

********************************

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.

He asks, "What are you doing?"

She answers, "I'm moving to Sydney .

I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for

free."

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and

sees her husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm coming too I want

to see how you live on $800 a year".

*********************************

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: 2

litres of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 litres of orange juice, a

head of lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a 500g jar of coffee, a 250g

pack of bacon

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a

drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of

the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly

stated,"You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued

by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at

her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her

selections that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what,

you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cos you're ugly." 2005 Zambezi TDV6 - Gone but not forgotten
2009 Alaska TDV8 - Gone and much missed.



WINNER - 2009 �Idler Of The Year� Award
Runner Up - 2009 �Just Doing What It�s Designed To Do� Award


DO NOT CLICK HERE!

 RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's libido.

"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.

"Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin".

"Not a problem", replied the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra.
Drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went".

It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejay sus and begorrah! T'was horrid. Just terrible, doctor!".

"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped hisself straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"

"Why so terrible??" asked doctor, "Do you mean the sex?"

"Oh, no, no, no, doctor, the sex was fine indeed! 'Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again." 2002 Discovery Adventurer LE
1998 Freelander xedi
Ertl limited edition RRS model number 817