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JayMann



Member Since: 19 Jan 2006
Location: Stop acting like snob when you just won the Lotto!
Posts: 22898

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Buckingham Blue

Laughing Laughing RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident


I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Post #34018 Sun May 21 2006 9:35am
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Supertrotter



Member Since: 10 Mar 2006
Location: Brrrr.... guess where :o(
Posts: 9905

United Kingdom 

Rolling with laughter ...... Shocked Runner up - 2009 Best Avatar Award Sad
Joint runner up - 2009 Outstanding Contribution Award Sad
WINNER - 2008 ‘Best Thread’ Award – Beautiful Women Of The World Very Happy
Runner Up - 2008 Comedian Of The Year Award Sad
Runner Up - 2008’s Funniest Incident Sad


06 RRS TDV6 HSE, Java/Ebony, PTI, Running Boards, Privacy, S/C Grille/Vents, Stormers, Tasmods - GONE - Surprised(

Post #34143 Mon May 22 2006 10:16am
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Bobby



Member Since: 07 Jun 2005
Location: Kuala Lumpur
Posts: 3781

Malaysia 2006 Range Rover Sport Supercharged Chawton White

A newly-wed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote resort way up the mountains. They had registered on Saturday and they had not been seen for 5 days.

The elderly couple who ran the resort were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds.

The old man decided to go and see if they were all right. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered.
The old man asked if they were OK.
"Yes, we're fine. We're living on the fruits of love".

The old man replied, "I thought so...would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window...they're choking my ducks!" Malaysia Boleh!
4.2SC Chawton White, Stormers
Tasmod's Sills, Wind Deflectors, LR Sills
Clear Side Repeaters, Towbar
Larini Sports Exhaust, K&N Air Filter
______________________________
WINNER - 2008 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award
WINNER - 2009 Outstanding Contribution
WINNER - 2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award

Post #36121 Mon May 29 2006 6:19am
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JayMann



Member Since: 19 Jan 2006
Location: Stop acting like snob when you just won the Lotto!
Posts: 22898

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Buckingham Blue

Shocked Shocked Laughing Laughing RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident


I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Post #36122 Mon May 29 2006 9:29am
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XXXAngelXXX



Member Since: 03 Mar 2006
Location: Krautland
Posts: 10894

Germany 

 
L 405 2013 FFRR 5.0 SC
--------------------------------------------------------------
WINNER - 2009 �Best Avatar� Award
WINNER - 2009 Comedian Of The Year Award


Post #36123 Mon May 29 2006 10:55am
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Bobby



Member Since: 07 Jun 2005
Location: Kuala Lumpur
Posts: 3781

Malaysia 2006 Range Rover Sport Supercharged Chawton White
Mute Language

A woman gets on a city bus. She looks at the driver and holds up one hand; the driver holds up two hands. Next, the woman points up; the driver points down. Then, the woman grabs her breast; the driver grabs his crotch. Finally, the woman grabs her butt and gets off the bus.

A curious passenger asked the bus driver what the odd motions were all about.

The driver explained, "The woman is a deaf-mute. She asked me if a bus ride is five cents, and I told her it was ten cents. Next, she asked if the bus was going uptown, and I told her it was going downtown. Then, she asked if the bus was going past the dairy, and I told her it was going past the ballpark."

The passenger interjected, "Okay, but why did she grab her butt as she left the bus?"

The driver continued, "She replied, 'Oh s**t, I'm on the wrong bus!'" Malaysia Boleh!
4.2SC Chawton White, Stormers
Tasmod's Sills, Wind Deflectors, LR Sills
Clear Side Repeaters, Towbar
Larini Sports Exhaust, K&N Air Filter
______________________________
WINNER - 2008 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award
WINNER - 2009 Outstanding Contribution
WINNER - 2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award

Post #36387 Tue May 30 2006 11:53pm
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TB



Member Since: 19 Feb 2006
Location: Depends who wants to know . . .
Posts: 5927

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 SE Arctic Frost

Three Labrador retrievers one brown, one yellow and one black were
sitting in the surgery waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a
conversation.

The black lab turned to the brown and said, "So why are you here?"

The brown lab replied, "I'm a Censored . I Censored on everything ...the sofa,
the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when
I Censored in the middle of my owner's bed."

The black lab said, "So what is the vet going to do?"

"Gonna cut my nuts off," came the reply from the brown lab. "They reckon
it'll calm me down."

The black lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked, "Why are you
here?"

The yellow lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers
and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the
carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole
in my owner's couch."

"So what are they going to do to you?" the black lab inquired.

"Looks like I'm losing my nuts too." the dejected yellow lab said.

The yellow lab then turned to the black lab and asked, "Why are you
here?"

"I'm a humper," the black lab said. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the
cat, a pillow, the table, post-boxes, whatever.
I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of
the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't
help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away".

The yellow and brown labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, nuts off
for you too, huh?"

The black lab said, "No, I'm here to get my nails clipped." Arctic Frost TDV6 SE. Aspen Leather, Cherry Wood, Privacy Glass, PTI, Tow Pack, Mudflaps, Tasmods, a new Fuelflap, a RRSport.co.uk umbrella in the boot & a RRSport.co.uk sticker on the rear glass.
__________________

Some people accuse me of thinking the world revolves around me, but I'm not stupid . . . I know it revolves around the sun. Which shines out of my @rse!!!

Post #37351 Tue Jun 06 2006 3:18pm
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Cliff H



Member Since: 03 Dec 2005
Location: uk
Posts: 3233

United Kingdom 

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Thumbs Up

Post #37379 Tue Jun 06 2006 9:07pm
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Kaine



Member Since: 27 May 2006
Location: Hills of Shropshire
Posts: 8902

United Kingdom 

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter

Post #37380 Tue Jun 06 2006 9:14pm
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JayMann



Member Since: 19 Jan 2006
Location: Stop acting like snob when you just won the Lotto!
Posts: 22898

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Buckingham Blue

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident


I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Post #37386 Tue Jun 06 2006 10:48pm
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Supertrotter



Member Since: 10 Mar 2006
Location: Brrrr.... guess where :o(
Posts: 9905

United Kingdom 

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Runner up - 2009 Best Avatar Award Sad
Joint runner up - 2009 Outstanding Contribution Award Sad
WINNER - 2008 ‘Best Thread’ Award – Beautiful Women Of The World Very Happy
Runner Up - 2008 Comedian Of The Year Award Sad
Runner Up - 2008’s Funniest Incident Sad


06 RRS TDV6 HSE, Java/Ebony, PTI, Running Boards, Privacy, S/C Grille/Vents, Stormers, Tasmods - GONE - Surprised(

Post #37668 Thu Jun 08 2006 2:15pm
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TB



Member Since: 19 Feb 2006
Location: Depends who wants to know . . .
Posts: 5927

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 SE Arctic Frost

It has been announced that Wayne Rooney can now play in the World Cup. But he must get a cortizone injection first.

David Beckham has thrown a strop, saying if that fat little scouse git is getting a flash motor I want one too. Arctic Frost TDV6 SE. Aspen Leather, Cherry Wood, Privacy Glass, PTI, Tow Pack, Mudflaps, Tasmods, a new Fuelflap, a RRSport.co.uk umbrella in the boot & a RRSport.co.uk sticker on the rear glass.
__________________

Some people accuse me of thinking the world revolves around me, but I'm not stupid . . . I know it revolves around the sun. Which shines out of my @rse!!!

Post #37735 Thu Jun 08 2006 5:39pm
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JayMann



Member Since: 19 Jan 2006
Location: Stop acting like snob when you just won the Lotto!
Posts: 22898

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Buckingham Blue

Laughing Laughing Laughing RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident


I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Post #37736 Thu Jun 08 2006 5:43pm
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TB



Member Since: 19 Feb 2006
Location: Depends who wants to know . . .
Posts: 5927

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 SE Arctic Frost

Nescafe, Benson & Hedges & British Airways

A mother had 3 virgin daughters who were all getting married within a short time period. As Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first daughter sent a card from Hawaii two days after her wedding. The card said nothing but " Nescafe". Mom was puzzled at first but then went into the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It read, "Good till the last drop". Mom blushed but was pleased for her daughter.

The second daughter send the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read, "Benson & Hedges". Mom went straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack, "Extra Long, King Size". She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her second daughter.

The third daughter left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week - nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived and written on it with shaky handwriting were the words, "British Airways". Mom took out her weekly magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for British Airways. The ad said, "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways". Mom fainted .................. Arctic Frost TDV6 SE. Aspen Leather, Cherry Wood, Privacy Glass, PTI, Tow Pack, Mudflaps, Tasmods, a new Fuelflap, a RRSport.co.uk umbrella in the boot & a RRSport.co.uk sticker on the rear glass.
__________________

Some people accuse me of thinking the world revolves around me, but I'm not stupid . . . I know it revolves around the sun. Which shines out of my @rse!!!

Post #40333 Mon Jun 19 2006 7:55pm
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TB



Member Since: 19 Feb 2006
Location: Depends who wants to know . . .
Posts: 5927

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 SE Arctic Frost

It is just before the England v Brazil match.

Ronaldinho goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his teammates looking a bit glum.

"What's up?" he asks.

"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only England. They're rubbish and we can't be bothered".


Ronaldinho looks at them and says "Well, I reckon I can beat them by myself, you lads go down the pub."

So Ronaldinho goes out to play England by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few jars.

After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Brazil 1 - England 0 (Ronaldinho 10minutes)". He is beating England all by himself!

Anyway, a few pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on". They put the teletext on.

"Result from the Stadium "Brazil 1 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes) - England 1 (Lampard 89 minutes)".

They can't believe it; he has single handedly got a draw against England!!

They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate Ronaldinho. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sitting with his head in his hands.

He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down."

"Don't be daft! You got a draw against England, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!"

"No, No, I have! I've let you down...........I got sent off after 12 minutes" Arctic Frost TDV6 SE. Aspen Leather, Cherry Wood, Privacy Glass, PTI, Tow Pack, Mudflaps, Tasmods, a new Fuelflap, a RRSport.co.uk umbrella in the boot & a RRSport.co.uk sticker on the rear glass.
__________________

Some people accuse me of thinking the world revolves around me, but I'm not stupid . . . I know it revolves around the sun. Which shines out of my @rse!!!

Post #40336 Mon Jun 19 2006 8:00pm
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