On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.

One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.

Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!


Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, best Pals.


A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit.


The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story?? (yep, you betcha, there is a moral!)



'When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks! 08 2.7 RRS "S"
Td5 110......very modified
RS 5
Kawasaki ZX12R me, it's quick !

These classified were really put in the paper

FREE! YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
Half Cocker Spaniel, half sneaky neighbour's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother, a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog . . able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat. Been out a while.
Better be a big reward.

FOR SALE - Small herd of COWS - NEVER BRED..
also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell Hotpoint washer/drier £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once, by mistake. Call Stephanie..

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set - Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.. Excellent
condition.. £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married last
month and wife knows everything. 08 2.7 RRS "S"
Td5 110......very modified
RS 5
Kawasaki ZX12R me, it's quick !

Too much time on your hands andy

Proof of what can happen if a wife drags her husband along shopping

This letter was actually sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford :

Dear Mrs. Murray,

Whilst we would like to thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.

Below is a list of his actions over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calorgas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

8.. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. October 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

10. November 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible' theme.

11.November 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look' using different size funnels.

12. November 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled' PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'

13. November 21: When an announcement came over the loudspeaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.'

And; last, but not least:

14. November 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.' 08 2.7 RRS "S"
Td5 110......very modified
RS 5
Kawasaki ZX12R me, it's quick !

A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'

'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago..'

'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'

'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your porridge ! 08 2.7 RRS "S"
Td5 110......very modified
RS 5
Kawasaki ZX12R me, it's quick !

A fellow passed a house with a little red light burning in front, so he stepped inside.

There was nothing in sight and nothing there but an empty bare hallway, with two doors reading, "Over 35" and "Under 35." He decided to be truthful and entered the door that said, "Over 35."

He found himself in another empty hallway, this one with two doors that read, "Over 8 inches" and "Under 8 inches."

Truthful again, he went through the "Under 8 inches" door and found himself in another empty hall, with two more doors reading, "Once a night" and "Over 4 times a night."

Still wanting to be truthful, he entered the door marked "Once a night" and found himself back out on the street.

The moral of this story is: "Always tell the truth and you'll never get screwed." 08 2.7 RRS "S"
Td5 110......very modified
RS 5
Kawasaki ZX12R me, it's quick !

No Ady, my time is fully occupied..............the other Mac is scouring the web for my next motor

Much more interesting than an Infection Control Policy and Procedure review

It's called multi - tasking and proves that I must be fully in touch with my feminine side by being able to achieve such important tasks simultaneously, I mean - what else can I do, the washing machine is doing the washing, the tumbly drier is drying the washing, the dishwasher is washing the dishes, the slow cooker is................oh crap I thought there was something else I needed to do ! 08 2.7 RRS "S"
Td5 110......very modified
RS 5
Kawasaki ZX12R me, it's quick !

So who's doing your ironing

Ady 555 wrote:

So who's doing your ironing

No one


I purchase my clothing wisely, nothing that will shrink or run and hate suits & collars, four day undies are a godsend to a bloke like me .

All the stuff above is actually work related believe it or not as I run a home for Adults with Learning Disabilities so am on the floor quite a lot so to speak.............sometimes in the gutter  08 2.7 RRS "S"
Td5 110......very modified
RS 5
Kawasaki ZX12R me, it's quick !

Last week I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex.I woke up the next morning with a huge correction. 08 2.7 RRS "S"
Td5 110......very modified
RS 5
Kawasaki ZX12R me, it's quick !