I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick-pocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low?





I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?" Runner up - 2009 Best Avatar Award
Joint runner up - 2009 Outstanding Contribution Award
WINNER - 2008 ‘Best Thread’ Award – Beautiful Women Of The World
Runner Up - 2008 Comedian Of The Year Award
Runner Up - 2008’s Funniest Incident

06 RRS TDV6 HSE, Java/Ebony, PTI, Running Boards, Privacy, S/C Grille/Vents, Stormers, Tasmods - GONE - (

there awful

Made me laugh though. Not sure what that says about my sense of humour...  Runner up - 2009 Best Avatar Award
Joint runner up - 2009 Outstanding Contribution Award
WINNER - 2008 ‘Best Thread’ Award – Beautiful Women Of The World
Runner Up - 2008 Comedian Of The Year Award
Runner Up - 2008’s Funniest Incident

06 RRS TDV6 HSE, Java/Ebony, PTI, Running Boards, Privacy, S/C Grille/Vents, Stormers, Tasmods - GONE - (

Bob walks to his mates house, and says ''Dave things are really bad mate, I haven't had sex in months, so long it's getting past a joke'' Dave says '' what can i do about that??''

Bob then asks Dave if he can shag his Mrs.......because she is soooo hot, and always looks up for it.....Dave says ..''no frickin way mate, you can't sleep with her, she's my wife for gods sake!!'' But please says Bob, go on, just a quickie, and then I'll be done!!

Dave agrees, but says ''promise you won't go down on her, just have a good time but don't go down on her''

''ok ok'' Bob says and goes upstairs and has the time of his life with Dave's wife, and comes back down and thanks Dave and goes home a happy man!

The next week, Bob comes a knocking again, and says......''mate, please, one more time with you Mrs, promise this will be the last time....'' Dave says ''ok mate, but this has to be the last time and like before, promise you won't go down on her''

Bob heads upstairs and once again, it's incredible, but he can't resist the temptation to get down on her....so he does what he wants........and starts licking out Daves wife............

The next thing, Dave hears Bob running down the hall and down the stairs, shouting........'' eeeerrrggghhhh I started licking your wife, and for fricks sake, when I did it, I found that her muff is full of frickin rice!!!!!!''

Dave says...''thats not rice mate, she's been dead 6 weeks''

Supertrotter wrote:

Made me laugh though.

me too

SuperT that made me laff as well

Nick eeeerrrggghhhh  RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

A firefighter, working on the engine outside the station, noticed a little girl going by in a little red wagon with little ladders on the sides, and a garden hose coiled in the wagon.

The girl was wearing a firefighters helmet.

The wagon was pulled by her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look and said 'That sure is a nice fire truck'.

'Thanks,' the girl replied.

The firefighter, looking a little closer, noticed the girl had the wagon tied to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles...

'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you tie that rope to the cat's collar, I think you could go faster.'

The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.' Runner up - 2009 Best Avatar Award
Joint runner up - 2009 Outstanding Contribution Award
WINNER - 2008 ‘Best Thread’ Award – Beautiful Women Of The World
Runner Up - 2008 Comedian Of The Year Award
Runner Up - 2008’s Funniest Incident

06 RRS TDV6 HSE, Java/Ebony, PTI, Running Boards, Privacy, S/C Grille/Vents, Stormers, Tasmods - GONE - (

I've come up with a new business plan.

We are going to build bungalows for dwarves.

There's just one tiny flaw..... Runner up - 2009 Best Avatar Award
Joint runner up - 2009 Outstanding Contribution Award
WINNER - 2008 ‘Best Thread’ Award – Beautiful Women Of The World
Runner Up - 2008 Comedian Of The Year Award
Runner Up - 2008’s Funniest Incident

06 RRS TDV6 HSE, Java/Ebony, PTI, Running Boards, Privacy, S/C Grille/Vents, Stormers, Tasmods - GONE - (

Weather

In deference to The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness, it was announced today that the local climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as British Weather.

Rather than offend a sizable portion of the population, it will now be referred to as Muslim Weather.

In other words - partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite '08 RRS TDV8
I converted my diesel RRS to run on an environmentally friendly mixture of caribou fat and baby seals oil

 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

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A duck walks into a bar...

Got any bread?

Barman says no...





Got any bread?

No.





Got any bread?

NO!





Got any bread?

I said NO
…we haven't got any bread.
Ask me again and I'll nail your beak to the bar, OK?









Got any nails?

No.



Got any bread? it's just a blue oil burner

How to wash a cat (This was simply too much of a timesaver not to share it with you.):

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. At this point the cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this!

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'Power-Wash' and 'Rinse'.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand well back, behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Yours Sincerely,

The Dog

A man was sitting on the settee watching TV when he heard his wife’s voice from the kitchen.

“What would you like for dinner Love? Chicken, beef or lamb?”

He said, “Thank you, I’ll have chicken.”




















“Shut up. You’re having soup. I was talking to the cat.”