An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are all to give speeches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience.
The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.

'Well' he explained' By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started Ladies and Gentlemen'.

On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself I'll go one better than that English fool and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin. When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing.

'Well' he explained' By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying Dear Ladies and Gentlemen'.

On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself I'll go one further than those mainland fools and started his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then masturbating furiously. When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing.

'Well' he explained,' by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masturbating I was starting my speech by saying 'Dear Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure.......' no regrets!
ONE LIFE LIVE IT.

or he could have been saying !


dear ladies and gentlemen my names "brian"  

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India

The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."

Mujibar said, "I am ready"

The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready"

The manager said, "Go ahead."

Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"

Mujibar now works as a technician at a call centre for computer problems

No doubt you have spoken to him. I have. Just a white TDV8 with a few extras

pussy

working dog how true  some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases - each like a different type of tree. In his twenties, he is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration!!!" no regrets!
ONE LIFE LIVE IT.

pussy
be careful........
remember what happened to the Christmas fairy.

ivery819 wrote:

remember what happened to the Christmas fairy.

 Just a white TDV8 with a few extras

 some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof.
So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers."
He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The gorilla remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
"What are you going to do ?" the homeowner asks.
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for ?" asks the homeowner.
"If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog” some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

A man and a woman had been dating for about a year and their relationship was taking a turn towards getting serious.

The man proposed and she accepted, however she told him that she wanted him to know that her chest was just like a baby's.

He said that he loved her and that her measurements didn't matter to him. He also told her that his penis was also like a baby.

She said that she loved him and size didn't matter.

Come the day of the wedding and all went well. That night the happy couple checked into the honeymoon suite at the resort hotel.

The blushing bride was in the bathroom putting on a sexy nightie. Her husband was in the bed waiting.

As she entered the bedroom, she reminded him of her confession about her chest being like a baby.

"Don't worry honey," he said.

She took her nightgown off and her breasts were the smallest he had ever seen.

He said that he was going to get undressed and reminded her of his confession about his penis being like a baby.

As he took his pants off the new bride said, "Good God All Mighty. I thought you said your penis was like a baby!"

"It is," he said. "9 pounds and 21 inches long!" no regrets!
ONE LIFE LIVE IT.

Donald Duck and Minnie Mouse were up in a hotel room and decided that they wanted to have sex. Well, the first thing Minnie asks is, "Do you have a condom?"

Donald says "No."

Minnie tells Donald that if he doesn't get a condom that they can't have sex and suggests to Donald that he go buy a condom. She says that maybe they sell them at the front desk.

Donald proceeds to go downstairs and gets to the front desk. He asks the hotel clerk if they sell condoms. The clerk says "yes we do" and pulls one out from under the desk and gives it to Donald.

The clerk asks "Would you like me to put that on your bill?"

Donald says "NO! WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, SOME KIND OF PERVERT? no regrets!
ONE LIFE LIVE IT.