Just in case you need a laugh:


Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school
diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our
jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "Gripe Sheet",
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then the
pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be
said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots
(marked with a P) and the
solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way,Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
accident.


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Back in the days when a lot of flying training was carried out in open cockpit aircraft a colleague of mine set the following question to trainee pilots.
My friend was a former RAF Squadron leader with a VERY dry sense of humor and a boom mike that always smelt of stale tea.
Question.
You are flying with The Duke of Edinburgh as passenger and he asks you to demonstrate inverted flight.
You roll the aircraft 180° and having failed to fasten his safety harness correctly the Duke exits the aircraft.
Outline the actions you would take in this situation ?

You can imagine the range of answers from the young trainees.....but I found the technically correct answer even funnier.
Answer.
Re-trim the aircraft to compensate for the change in weight and balance and proceed with the flight.

Training in open cockpit planes stopped in about 1920................................... you are giving your age away ivery! 2020 Pangea Green 1st Edition D240 New Defender 110 is here and loving it
2018 Melting Silver Mini Countryman PHEV - soon to be replaced
2015MY Corris Grey SDv6 HSE Dynamic, the best car I have ever owned, totally reliable only a cou0le of rattles in 3 years, now no longer in my care
Also in my garage is a 1996 TDi300 Defender 90 County HT made into a fake CSW

Tim
I don't think I'm 87..........just feel like it...... but I'll check with my minder.

BTW plenty of WW2 pilots were trained in Tiger Moths.

Tim in Scotland wrote:

Training in open cockpit planes stopped in about 1920................................... you are giving your age away ivery!

and VA would have been in nappies then  

Yes VA is just a whippersnapper....sorry I meant whip cracker.

That's an old one, when it first appeared it was purported to be US Air Force. I remember publishing it on an Intranet back in 1992! Quite why Quantas would use IFF or Target Radar  Darren Griffin
Editor
PocketGPSWorld.Com

Quantas

Queensland
and
Northern Territory
Aerial
Services

Ltd.

I was told by an aircraft engineer that they called the report from the pilots a deferred defect list, i was i a bit puzzled, and he explained that on a turnaround of an aeroplane if it wasn't important then the defect would wait until net time

He dint elaborate on what was classed as important or not, but said that you would be surprised  some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
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______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
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Suzuki Jimney

I was on a Qantas flight from Singapore to Melbourne and then on to Sydney in a very new 747 when we flew through some very severe turbulence over Indonesia. It wasn't nice being in a window seat over the wing, but that was where I was sat and imaging my horror (and that of a few other passengers) when we saw a small section of wing "plating" start to lift as the poprivets gave way with the severe bending the wings were subjected to. The plate didn't come off and we continued the flight to Melbourne.
As I was in transit I wasn't allowed off the plane and saw the spectacle of 3 technicians attempting to do a repair on the plate. The tools they had were a junior hacksaw (????), a large hammer, a popriveter and what looked like a tube of silicone bath sealant in a handgun and they proceeded to beat 7 bells out of the plate to flatten it down and then stuck it with the sealnt and applied the pop rivets. So much for the "High Tech" aero industry! We made it to Sydney without falling out of the sky though, so the low tech repair worked OK! 2020 Pangea Green 1st Edition D240 New Defender 110 is here and loving it
2018 Melting Silver Mini Countryman PHEV - soon to be replaced
2015MY Corris Grey SDv6 HSE Dynamic, the best car I have ever owned, totally reliable only a cou0le of rattles in 3 years, now no longer in my care
Also in my garage is a 1996 TDi300 Defender 90 County HT made into a fake CSW

Not the most confidence inspiring moment!

Did you ask to change seats?

As someone seemed to have soiled where you were just sitting?  Runner up - 2009 Best Avatar Award
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