ENVOY

"DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS"

The Hun will be proud of you

God Said, Adam I Want you to do Something for me."


Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"


God said, "Go down into that valley."


Adam said, "What's a valley?"


God explained it to him.


Then God said, "Cross the river."


Adam said, "What's a river?" !


God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill......."


Adam said, "What is a hill?"


So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.


He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave"


Adam said, "What's a cave?"


! After God explained, he said, "In the cave you will find a Woman."


Adam said, "What's a woman?"


So God explained that to him, too.


Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."


Adam said, "How do I do that?"


God first said (under his breath), "Geez....." !


And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.


So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.


Then, in about five minutes, he was back.


God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"


And Adam said


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"What's a headache?"


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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- some of my Previous cars
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P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
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current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

 MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

 Arctic Frost TDV6 SE. Aspen Leather, Cherry Wood, Privacy Glass, PTI, Tow Pack, Mudflaps, Tasmods, a new Fuelflap, a RRSport.co.uk umbrella in the boot & a RRSport.co.uk sticker on the rear glass.
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Some people accuse me of thinking the world revolves around me, but I'm not stupid . . . I know it revolves around the sun. Which shines out of my @rse!!!

 RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Peter met Sharon


Peter met Sharon in a nightclub. They enjoyed each other's company very much and at the end of the evening Sharon invited Peter to her place, where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic session in bed together.

Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and snuggled up close to each other. After a short while, Sharon began tenderly stroking Peter's manhood.

Surprised but appreciative, Peter comments, "Surely you can't be ready for more already?"

Sharon replies, "No, but every now and then I get a bit nostalgic, and I miss the days when I had mine."

A man goes to the doctors feeling a little ill. The doctor checks him over and says, "Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus. It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live. There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth.''

So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news. Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's never been there with her before.
They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins £35. Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins £320. Then he gets the full house and wins £1000. The national grid comes up and he wins that too getting £380,000.
The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says, "Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full house and the national grid on the same card. You must be the luckiest man on Earth!"

"Lucky?" he screamed. "Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24."


"F*** me," says the bingo caller. "You've won the raffle as well."

Sadist, masochist, murderer...

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds.

"How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.

Silence took over... and the masochist says: "Meow."

Busy day then Cliff?

Great jokes mate!  MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

Rural Australian Computer Terminology


LOG ON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter.

LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie.

MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.

DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the ute.

HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without
any cold tinnies.

KEYBOARD: Where you hang the ute keys.

WINDOW: What you shut when the weather's cold.

SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season.

BYTE: What mozzies do.

MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do.

CHIP: A bar snack.

MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag after
you've eaten the chips.

MODEM: What you did to the lawns.

LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps.

SOFTWARE: Plastic knives & forks you get at
Red Rooster.

HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives & forks - from K-Mart.

MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain
in the shed.

MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up.

WEB: What spiders make.

WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the
verandah.

SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the ute
won't go.

CURSOR: What you say when the ute won't go.

YAHOO: What you say when the ute does go.

UPGRADE: A steep hill.

SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out
the counter lunch.

MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings
out the counter >lunch.

USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.

NETWORK: What you do when you need to repair
the fishing net.

INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go.

NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover
the hole in the net.

ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.

OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when
the pegs aren't strong enough.

An elderly man in Queensland had owned a large property for several years.

He had a dam in one of the lower paddocks where he had planted mango
and avocado trees. The dam had been fixed up for swimming when it
was built and he also had some picnic tables placed there in the
shade of the fruit trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go
down to the dam to look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while.

He grabbed a ten litre bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the dam, he heard voices shouting and laughing with
glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women
skinny-dipping in his dam. He made the women aware of his presence
and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him,
"We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I
didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get
out of the dam naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to
feed the crocodile."

Moral: Old men may walk slow, but they can still think fast.

 MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

Getting old in the US...

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into.

She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher:

"They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.

The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in: "Disregard."

He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake." Malaysia Boleh!
4.2SC Chawton White, Stormers
Tasmod's Sills, Wind Deflectors, LR Sills
Clear Side Repeaters, Towbar
Larini Sports Exhaust, K&N Air Filter
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WINNER - 2008 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award
WINNER - 2009 Outstanding Contribution
WINNER - 2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award

 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

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