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lespes



Member Since: 16 Jun 2008
Location: Channel Islands
Posts: 1052

Guernsey 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Buckingham Blue
Fancy a trip to OZ?

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are
the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of
humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!) (Yeah, right!)

> Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow?
> A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?
> A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
> A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of


them in Brisbane , Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay?
> A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
>
> Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
>A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
> Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not...
>Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q:Which direction is North in Australia?
> A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia?
> A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?
> A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night
in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia?
> A: You are a British politician, right?
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: (from USA) Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum.
> A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees.
> A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and
eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: (from USA) I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.
Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia?
> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________

> Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia?
> A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?
> A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

Question

Post #254325 Mon Feb 08 2010 12:17pm
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Jonty



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Post #254343 Mon Feb 08 2010 1:03pm
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Endjin



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Post #254381 Mon Feb 08 2010 3:38pm
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purple people eater



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wicked answers, are they forum members? purple people eater

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Post #254387 Mon Feb 08 2010 4:16pm
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XXXAngelXXX



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Post #254389 Mon Feb 08 2010 4:20pm
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shmoogle



Member Since: 07 Sep 2005
Location: ... and for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!
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United Kingdom 

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter

Brilliant Thumbs Up 

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Post #254399 Mon Feb 08 2010 5:50pm
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lespes



Member Since: 16 Jun 2008
Location: Channel Islands
Posts: 1052

Guernsey 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Buckingham Blue

And a map to find your way round Laughing

Post #254436 Mon Feb 08 2010 8:04pm
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shmoogle



Member Since: 07 Sep 2005
Location: ... and for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!
Posts: 24350

United Kingdom 

Laughing Laughing Laughing Thumbs Up 

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Post #254438 Mon Feb 08 2010 8:05pm
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npinks
Site Moderator


Member Since: 26 Nov 2007
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Seriously, that map has just given me more reason not to visit a island full of poison, sharp teeth and spiders that chase you Sad

Post #254460 Mon Feb 08 2010 9:40pm
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shmoogle



Member Since: 07 Sep 2005
Location: ... and for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!
Posts: 24350

United Kingdom 

All the reasons why I've never entertained moving out there Confused

I always remember my mate who now lives out there, upon his final move out there arrived at his wife-to-be's flat to find one of those Huntsman spiders on the wall as they opened the front door. It's not the sort of welcome I'd envisage really.... Confused 

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Post #254463 Mon Feb 08 2010 9:46pm
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npinks
Site Moderator


Member Since: 26 Nov 2007
Location: Watching
Posts: 6716

United Kingdom 

I think I would be forever looking around me and especially the kids for things

I always think when Joe Mangles missus got bitten by that spider whilst having a picnic etc

Post #254464 Mon Feb 08 2010 10:15pm
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BKHK



Member Since: 05 May 2008
Location: Perth
Posts: 1936

Australia 

Good, we have enough people out here without all you pale grey faced, sun starved, damp, cold, over populated, debt ridden pommies. You are all secretly jealous.

Many of your fellow countrymen will fly two hours to Majorca just to see some sunshine...I would too, anything to get out of that miserable little island.

Shmoogs.....your mate must be a whimp if he can't handle a hunstman. Even my 72 year old mother (who is staying from the UKbecause she hates the winter) can get a huntsman out of the house in a few seconds without harming it! Rolling with laughter

N Pinks, I agree, please don't visit best, you stay in Blighty. I mean, you drive a white Freelander.....and hang out in an RRS forum.. Rolling with laughter

Post #254470 Mon Feb 08 2010 10:36pm
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npinks
Site Moderator


Member Since: 26 Nov 2007
Location: Watching
Posts: 6716

United Kingdom 

I Might just take your advice and stay home were the spider meet a size 11 shoe without throwing it back at you Thumbs Up


Are you Sure you don't work in tourism responding to enquires Whistle

Post #254473 Mon Feb 08 2010 10:41pm
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MAW



Member Since: 06 May 2006
Location: Lincs
Posts: 3104

United Kingdom 2012 Range Rover Sport SDV6 HSE Orkney Grey

Laughing

Laughing

Laughing

I had a great few months out there years back on the NSW coast - brilliant Laughing

Huntsman by the khazi at 2am - he backed off and the biggest cockroach lookylikey i had ever seen Shocked

Need to look at the map to recall where that was - old hippy place, brilliant Laughing

Post #254476 Mon Feb 08 2010 10:45pm
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2nd Rower



Member Since: 12 Nov 2007
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Australia 2008 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Chawton White

Top 10 dangerous Aussie animals:

http://www.australianfauna.com/t10dangerous.php

Post #254482 Mon Feb 08 2010 11:30pm
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