HELPFULL WIFE


A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, " I clocked
you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps
your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear,
you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife
and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar
detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector
unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,
"Damit, woman, can't you keep your fu**in' mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your
seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $375 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off
when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back
pocket"

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your
seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns
to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always
talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
















"Not always officer, only when he's been drinking"

Golfing Nun

A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it."

"When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder.

"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards.

"Is that when you swore?"

"No, Mother," says the nun. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away."

"Is THAT when you swore?" asked the Mother Superior again.

"Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"

"Is THAT when you swore?" asked the amazed elder nun.

"No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."

"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.

"No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from the hole."

The two nuns were silent for a moment.

Then Mother Superior sighed and said, "You missed the ****ing putt, didn't you?"

 RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans, 25,000 years ago, had a nation-wide telephone network.

Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass, and they soon announced that the ancient Brits, 35,000 years ago, already had a nation-wide fibre net.

Israeli scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100 and 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing...
They concluded that the ancient Hebrews, 55,000 years ago, had cellular telephones. Malaysia Boleh!
4.2SC Chawton White, Stormers
Tasmod's Sills, Wind Deflectors, LR Sills
Clear Side Repeaters, Towbar
Larini Sports Exhaust, K&N Air Filter
______________________________
WINNER - 2008 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award
WINNER - 2009 Outstanding Contribution
WINNER - 2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award

Why you should make sure you think before you speak...

The priest in a small Irish village loved his chickens that he kept in
the
coop behind the church.

One Sunday morning before mass, he went to feed the birds and
discovered
that the cock was missing.

He knew about the cock fights in the village, so he decided to
question
his
parishioners in church.
During mass, he asked his congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"
All the men stood up.

"No, no, that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"
All the women stood up.

"No, no, that wasn't what I meant either. Has anybody seen a cock that
doesn't belong to them?"
Half the women stood up!

"No, no, no, that wasn't what I meant. What I really really mean is,
has
anybody seen MY cock?"

Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

 RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

 Malaysia Boleh!
4.2SC Chawton White, Stormers
Tasmod's Sills, Wind Deflectors, LR Sills
Clear Side Repeaters, Towbar
Larini Sports Exhaust, K&N Air Filter
______________________________
WINNER - 2008 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award
WINNER - 2009 Outstanding Contribution
WINNER - 2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award

 Arctic Frost TDV6 SE. Aspen Leather, Cherry Wood, Privacy Glass, PTI, Tow Pack, Mudflaps, Tasmods, a new Fuelflap, a RRSport.co.uk umbrella in the boot & a RRSport.co.uk sticker on the rear glass.
__________________

Some people accuse me of thinking the world revolves around me, but I'm not stupid . . . I know it revolves around the sun. Which shines out of my @rse!!!

The afterlife

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.

After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact, "Mary. Mary."

"Is that you, Fred?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice.

I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon.

After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again."

"Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven."

"Not exactly, I'm a rabbit in Suffolk."

Sickie

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I sick, headache, stomach ache, legs hurt, I no come work."

The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say, I feel great. I be work soon.....you got nice house."

 some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

Heard the second one before this thought RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

 Arctic Frost TDV6 SE. Aspen Leather, Cherry Wood, Privacy Glass, PTI, Tow Pack, Mudflaps, Tasmods, a new Fuelflap, a RRSport.co.uk umbrella in the boot & a RRSport.co.uk sticker on the rear glass.
__________________

Some people accuse me of thinking the world revolves around me, but I'm not stupid . . . I know it revolves around the sun. Which shines out of my @rse!!!