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SRE



Member Since: 16 Jan 2010
Location: Alicante Prov Spain + Hampshire UK
Posts: 2143

A letter from the scout camp

Dear Mum

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.
Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.
Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put petrol on a fire, it will blow up?
The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.
We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance.
We think it's a super bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the policeman stopped and talked to us.
Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads where there aren't any cops. All we ever see up there are huge logging trucks.
This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast , so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.
Scoutmaster Ted isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.
Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a tourniquet works.
Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?
I have to go now. We are going to town to post our letters and buy some more beer and ammo. Don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent. In Spain - 2018 F Pace - Down and out's Velar
In UK - Not saying, but its NOT a Muddy Milk Float.
Gone - Several Lode Lane vehicles
- Beta User

Post #388917 Mon Jul 15 2013 12:26pm
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outback4x4uk



Member Since: 06 Oct 2011
Location: shropshire
Posts: 13

United Kingdom 2008 Range Rover Sport TDV8 HSE Stornoway Grey

Oh dear lord, Shocked you could just picture the parents faces as they read that going from a rosy pink to ashen white. Laughing 08 RRS TDV8 stornoway grey.
06 RRS TDV6 hse Rimni red-----gone!
05 D3 TDV6 se Alveston Red----gone and missed!
53 D2 TD5 xs Epsom Green-----gone!
99 D2 TD5 xs Epsom Green-----gone!
96 D90 300tdi rioja Red---------gone and missed!
Many more come and gone.

Post #388923 Mon Jul 15 2013 1:09pm
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codfather



Member Since: 13 Feb 2010
Location: ayr
Posts: 1171

Scotland 2010 Range Rover Sport 3.0 TDV6 SE Santorini Black

Brilliant! Sounds just like the scout camps I went to in Buckmore park (minus the pedal files!!) nowadays my lad can't even take a pen knife to camp, we had 8" Bowie knifes strapped to our legs!

Cheers
Dave MY10 TDV6 SE (debadged Wink ), Santorini Black, Flappy paddles, Privacy Glass, 20" Stormers, Mudflaps!

Gone: a comprehensive list of imprezas and a Merc ML AMG

Post #388966 Mon Jul 15 2013 9:58pm
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SRE



Member Since: 16 Jan 2010
Location: Alicante Prov Spain + Hampshire UK
Posts: 2143

Goldfish

Two Irish builders (Patrick and Seamus) are seated either side of a table in a pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.

The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit

Pat: - I reckon he's an accountant.

Seamus: - No way - he's a stockbroker.

Pat: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!

The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Pat and he makes for the toilet.

On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of him.
Pat: - 'Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?

Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession

Pat: - Oh? What's that then?

Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ...... Do you have a goldfish at home?

Pat: - Er ... mmm .......... well yeah, I do as it happens!

Suit: - Well, it's logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a
pond. Which is it?

Pat: - It's in a pond!

Suit: - Well it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?

Pat: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden.

Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that, in this town, if you
have a large garden then you have a large house?

Pat: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house ......... built it myself!

Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it's logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married? And with a family?

Pat: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four children.

Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?

Pat: - Yep! Five times a week!

Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you don't masturbate very often?

Pat: - Do what? Not me, mate!

Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!

Pat: - How's that then?

Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life!

Pat: - I see! That's pretty impressive.. Thanks mate!

Both leave the toilet and Pat returns to his mate.

Seamus: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?

Pat: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!

Seamus: - What's that then?

Pat: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?

Seamus: - Nope

Pat: - Well then, you're a W*n*er --a & K for those who have spelling issues In Spain - 2018 F Pace - Down and out's Velar
In UK - Not saying, but its NOT a Muddy Milk Float.
Gone - Several Lode Lane vehicles
- Beta User

Post #389239 Thu Jul 18 2013 4:31pm
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Sag



Member Since: 07 Jul 2009
Location: Leicester
Posts: 562

England 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Java Black

Lol! LCFC. Receiver of threatening letters from Overfinch.

Post #389256 Thu Jul 18 2013 7:23pm
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BKHK



Member Since: 05 May 2008
Location: Perth
Posts: 1839

Australia 2013 Range Rover Sport Supercharged Fuji White

An yes, the old ones are the best. That one was doing the rounds in 1990! F80 M3 ZCP
2017 V8 SC - Gone after 11 months of ownership from new. Great engine surrounded by a cheaply made and unreliable car.

Post #389276 Fri Jul 19 2013 5:21am
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SRE



Member Since: 16 Jan 2010
Location: Alicante Prov Spain + Hampshire UK
Posts: 2143

Marital Misunderstanding

How men and women record things in their diaries......

------ Wife's Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weirdly.
We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was
upset at the fact that I was a little late, but he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere
quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me,
and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him.
He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior.
I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely,
as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.
About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted,
and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep;
I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his
thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

-----Husband's Diary:

A two-foot putt..........who the hell misses a two-foot putt! In Spain - 2018 F Pace - Down and out's Velar
In UK - Not saying, but its NOT a Muddy Milk Float.
Gone - Several Lode Lane vehicles
- Beta User

Post #389284 Fri Jul 19 2013 9:39am
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Ady 555
Site Moderator


Member Since: 12 Dec 2010
Location: Good old yorkshire
Posts: 8713

United Kingdom 2012 Range Rover Sport SDV6 HSE Santorini Black

Don't give up your day job... Wink

Post #389285 Fri Jul 19 2013 9:43am
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npinks
Site Moderator


Member Since: 26 Nov 2007
Location: Watching
Posts: 6692

United Kingdom 
Humour & Jokes Thread **Some jokes might offend **

Thread for jokes and stuff, keeps them all in one place Thumbs Up

Post #389286 Fri Jul 19 2013 9:59am
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Ady 555
Site Moderator


Member Since: 12 Dec 2010
Location: Good old yorkshire
Posts: 8713

United Kingdom 2012 Range Rover Sport SDV6 HSE Santorini Black

Thumbs Up

Post #389287 Fri Jul 19 2013 10:03am
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Black36



Member Since: 16 Apr 2012
Location: Exeter
Posts: 56

United Kingdom 2010 Range Rover Sport TDV8 HSE Santorini Black

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.

Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'. It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.

Rumour has it though, it can be a real bitch to start in the morning! Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can't get it to turn over.

New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel, and the curb weight typically increases with age. Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the boot increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.

This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it is best to lease one, and replace when it becomes troublesome. Martyn

TDV8 HSE 2010.
Ebony Leather
Santorini Black.

Post #389288 Fri Jul 19 2013 10:10am
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npinks
Site Moderator


Member Since: 26 Nov 2007
Location: Watching
Posts: 6692

United Kingdom 

Laughing

Post #389289 Fri Jul 19 2013 10:14am
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Ady 555
Site Moderator


Member Since: 12 Dec 2010
Location: Good old yorkshire
Posts: 8713

United Kingdom 2012 Range Rover Sport SDV6 HSE Santorini Black
I'm Sure This Will Apply To More Than Just One Of You Lot...

Post #389292 Fri Jul 19 2013 10:42am
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SRE



Member Since: 16 Jan 2010
Location: Alicante Prov Spain + Hampshire UK
Posts: 2143

Who moderates the Moderator's ? Whistle Whistle In Spain - 2018 F Pace - Down and out's Velar
In UK - Not saying, but its NOT a Muddy Milk Float.
Gone - Several Lode Lane vehicles
- Beta User

Post #389309 Fri Jul 19 2013 12:28pm
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SRE



Member Since: 16 Jan 2010
Location: Alicante Prov Spain + Hampshire UK
Posts: 2143

BKHK wrote:
An yes, the old ones are the best. That one was doing the rounds in 1990!


Oi, be careful of you will be sent back into the naughty corner again Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter In Spain - 2018 F Pace - Down and out's Velar
In UK - Not saying, but its NOT a Muddy Milk Float.
Gone - Several Lode Lane vehicles
- Beta User

Post #389310 Fri Jul 19 2013 12:30pm
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