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P-Trigg



Member Since: 31 Oct 2013
Location: Manchester
Posts: 8

United Kingdom 

A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's.

Post #418305 Tue Mar 18 2014 5:55pm
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hunter



Member Since: 22 Sep 2013
Location: Ilkeston
Posts: 292

United Kingdom 2008 Range Rover Sport TDV8 HST Stornoway Grey
Iv never been this bad...

&feature=share Gone but not forgotten, 2005 RRS SC first edition, BMW 2010 Z4,TVR Tamora, TVR Cerb, MERC SL 55 AMG, E46 M3, Z4, Jag S type R, Skyline R33 GTR 640 bhp, Evo FQ 400, L322 RR, X5, Lotus Esprit V8 twin turbo, Lotus Elise 135r, Nissan Murano, Honda S2000, 911, Boxster s...and a few more

Post #429908 Wed Jul 09 2014 1:40pm
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Neil,C



Member Since: 20 Jun 2014
Location: Runcorn
Posts: 22

England 2005 Range Rover Sport Supercharged Zermatt Silver
EMBARRASING BODIES !!

I will shortly be appearing on this TV programme as one of my Censored is bigger than the other two !! Very Happy

Post #429920 Wed Jul 09 2014 2:31pm
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waylander



Member Since: 16 Jun 2014
Location: essex
Posts: 89

United Kingdom 2012 Range Rover Sport SDV6 HSE Baltic Blue

all I'll add to this currently is go look at sickipedia for offensive jokes.... Not knowing you good people on here too well I'll not post on here - yet!! Rolling with laughter

Post #429941 Wed Jul 09 2014 5:24pm
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Neil,C



Member Since: 20 Jun 2014
Location: Runcorn
Posts: 22

England 2005 Range Rover Sport Supercharged Zermatt Silver
50 Shades - The Sequal

He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forward, then backwards, forward, then backwards again...... back and forth...
back and forth..... in and out..........

She could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts and trickling down the small of her back.

She was getting near to the end.

Her heart was pounding..... Her face was flushed.....

Then she moaned, softly at first, and then began to groan louder.

Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted,

"Okay, Okay!!! I can’t park the car!!! You do it, you smug b*****d!!!"

Post #430914 Fri Jul 18 2014 3:43pm
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Leasky



Member Since: 27 Feb 2014
Location: Aberdeen, Scotland.
Posts: 35

Scotland 2010 Range Rover Sport 3.0 TDV6 HSE Alaska White
Female hot / crazy matrix.

Made me smile.......


 Leasky.

Post #432262 Sun Aug 03 2014 8:41pm
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Marsie



Member Since: 20 Jul 2011
Location: sheffield
Posts: 351

United Kingdom 2008 Range Rover Sport TDV8 HST Stornoway Grey

My mates wife asked what he was doing on the computer??

He told her he was looking for some cheap flights.

"I love you" she said.

Then she got all excited, un-zipped his trousers and gave him the most amazing BJ ever.....

Which was odd to be fair, because she has never shown an interest in darts before!!
Paul Thumbs Up Current fleet
2011 Discovery 3.0 sdv6 XS
2008 Range rover sport HST tdv8*gone*
2000 Porsche 911 Carrera 2 convertible
1996 TVR Chimaera*gone*
2004 Vauxhall combo van*dead* Sad
2003 ford ranger double cab

Post #434473 Fri Aug 29 2014 12:09am
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Leasky



Member Since: 27 Feb 2014
Location: Aberdeen, Scotland.
Posts: 35

Scotland 2010 Range Rover Sport 3.0 TDV6 HSE Alaska White
Meanwhile, north of the border....

And now, from Scotland - "I dreamed a dream".....

 Leasky.

Post #438437 Fri Oct 03 2014 3:53pm
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Ady 555
Site Moderator


Member Since: 12 Dec 2010
Location: Good old yorkshire
Posts: 8693

United Kingdom 2012 Range Rover Sport SDV6 HSE Santorini Black

Laughing Thumbs Up

http://www.tickld.com/x/boys-steal-speed-v...but-genius

Post #438553 Sat Oct 04 2014 10:53pm
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Salisburylander



Member Since: 16 Mar 2014
Location: Salisbury
Posts: 113

2011 Range Rover Sport 3.0 TDV6 HSE Bali Blue
A rubbish joke

A chap goes to the doctors cos he's covered in raffle tickets!

"Blinking flip!" Says the doctor, "That's the worst case of tombola I've ever seen!"

Post #440613 Mon Oct 27 2014 4:04pm
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npinks
Site Moderator


Member Since: 27 Nov 2007
Location: Watching
Posts: 6684

United Kingdom 

Bad day at twerk

Post #442383 Wed Nov 12 2014 11:57pm
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Nowaytk



Member Since: 27 May 2013
Location: London
Posts: 179

England 

This one always makes me laugh,

A local radio station is having a contest: the first person to call in with an English word the DJ has never heard of will win £1000.

So this guy calls in and when asked for the word, he says, "Goan...G-O-A-N…Goan."

The DJ thinks for a moment and says, "That’s not even a real word!"

"Sure it is," argues the caller.

"Well then use it in a sentence," says the DJ.

The caller replies "Goan f#ck yourself!"

The DJ quickly hangs up.

About 30 minutes and many calls later, no one has won the contest and the DJ answers yet another call.

When asked, the caller says, "Smee...S-M-E-E...Smee."

The DJ shakes his head and says, "I don't think that's real word. Can you please use that in a sentence caller?"

To which the caller responds, "It's Smee again......Goan f#ck yourself!" 2015 HSE SDV6 Scotia Grey, ebony / lunar, colour coded, deployable steps, TV, sliding pano and a few other bits. Now gone
2018 Velar R-Dynamic HSE sdv6 silicon silver

Post #442597 Fri Nov 14 2014 8:22pm
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Ady 555
Site Moderator


Member Since: 12 Dec 2010
Location: Good old yorkshire
Posts: 8693

United Kingdom 2012 Range Rover Sport SDV6 HSE Santorini Black

Ireland’s worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

just like that. Laughing

Post #443053 Wed Nov 19 2014 3:25pm
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harrygh60



Member Since: 16 Nov 2011
Location: London
Posts: 395

England 2010 Range Rover Sport 3.0 TDV6 HSE Fuji White
Lottery in

I ask the wife what she would do if i won the lottery, She said i would take half and leave you.I gave her half of the £10 win itisme

Post #443054 Wed Nov 19 2014 3:36pm
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flydive



Member Since: 17 May 2007
Location: South
Posts: 1188

Switzerland 2008 Range Rover Sport TDV8 HSE Stornoway Grey

I once knew a dental nurse who loved giving blow jobs and smoking weed.
She was known as Oral High Jean.


Just had a parcel from Holland, when I opened it, it was a rubber fanny.
That's nice, I thought, 'Two lips from Amsterdam!’


My dad worked on the roadwork's for twenty years before he got fired for stealing!
At first I didn't believe it.... But when I got home all the signs were there.


A recent survey reported that three quarters of men don't know how to turn on the dish washer.
I find that licking her nipples and a light gentle fingering usually does the trick


My girlfriend says that a small penis won't affect our relationship.
Whether she's right or not, I'd prefer it if she didn't have one at all!


A woman is walking down the street and sees a sign in the pet shop window reading, "PUSSY-LICKING FROG £25"
... Curious the woman proceeds inside and says to the shop keeper, "I'd like to see the pussy-licking frog, please."

To which the shopkeeper replies, "Bonjour!" '08 RRS TDV8
I converted my diesel RRS to run on an environmentally friendly mixture of caribou fat and baby seals oil

Post #449355 Thu Jan 22 2015 6:31am
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