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Bill Portland



Member Since: 01 Feb 2017
Location: Dorsetshire
Posts: 356

United Kingdom 2012 Range Rover Sport SDV6 Autobiography Orkney Grey

When one door closes, another opens. I wish I hadn't bought that IKEA wardrobe.
My Grandad was a keen fishermen and left me all his equipment in his will. I'm still reeling.
I didn't think my orthopedic shoes would work, but I stand corrected...
Our local chippie is going to start making deliveries by drone - Pie in the sky if you ask me!! Merc C220 estate Sport AMG
Merc C220 estate Sport AMG 125 year edition
Alfa GT
Rover 76 V6

Post #541025 Thu Nov 16 2017 12:21pm
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Tyrefitter



Member Since: 19 Jul 2015
Location: East Yorkshire
Posts: 2089

United Kingdom 2013 Range Rover Sport Supercharged Autobiography Fuji White

Two builders go into the pub after a hard day's work. They're sat drinking for a while when a very smartly dressed man walks in and orders a drink. The two began to speculate about what the man did for a living.
"I'll bet he's an accountant." said the first builder.
"Looks more like a stockbroker to me." argued the second. They continued to debate the subject for a good while until eventually the first builder needed to use the toilet. On walking in, he saw the smartly dressed man standing at a urinal.
"Excuse me mate, but me and my friend have been arguing over what a smartly dressed fella like you does for a living?" the builder said to the man.
Smiling the man replied, "I'm a logical scientist."
"A what?" asked the builder.
"Let me explain" the man continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?"
A bit puzzled, but intrigued the builder decided to play along, "Yes, I do as it happens."
"Well then it's logical to assume that you either keep it in a bowl or a pond. Which is it?"
"A pond" the builder replied.
"Well then it's logical to assume that you have a large garden." The builder nodded his agreement. So the man continued, "which means it's logical to assume you have a large house."
"I have a 6 bedroom house that I built myself." the builder said proudly.
"Given that you have such a large house, it's logical to assume that you are married..."
The builder nodded again, "Yes, I'm married and we have three children."
"Then it's logical to assume that you have a healthy sex life."
"Five nights a week!" the builder boasted.
The man smiled a little, "Therefore it's logical to assume you don't masturbate often."
"Never!" the builder exclaimed.
"Well there you have it" the man explained, "That's logical science at work. From finding out that you have a goldfish, I've discovered the size of your garden, all about your house, your family and your sex life!"
The builder left, very impressed by the man's talents. On returning to the bar the other builder asked, "I see that smart bloke was in there, did you find out what he does?"
"Yeah," replied the first, "He's a logical scientist."
"A what?" the puzzled second builder asked.
"Let me explain" the first builder continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?"
"No" replied his mate.
"Well, you're a Censored then!" Andy.

2014 RRS SC santorino,coris roof.
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Previous motor.
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2012 RRS SE santorino
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1996 P38 2.5 HSE.

Post #549671 Sun Feb 25 2018 12:12pm
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npinks
Site Moderator


Member Since: 26 Nov 2007
Location: Watching
Posts: 6693

United Kingdom 


Is it too early?

Post #551355 Wed Mar 14 2018 3:08pm
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HughN



Member Since: 10 Sep 2017
Location: West Sussex
Posts: 277

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Zambezi Silver

Wow, did the world really run out of jokes in March? Very Happy Shocked "I am never content until I have constructed a model of the subject I am studying. If I succeed in making one, I understand; otherwise I do not" - Lord Kelvin

'06 RRS 2.7 TDV6 HSE
'14 D4 3.0 TDV6 HSE
Disco II Td5 - gone (went to Africa)
Disco I V8 - gone (no engine, brakes or power-steering but towed away by a Suzuki Jimny on a 6ft rope)
Disco I V8 - gone
[Plus two Freelanders I'd rather forget but my wife liked]

Post #556523 Tue May 15 2018 4:17pm
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Cymruambyth



Member Since: 27 Feb 2017
Location: North Wales
Posts: 1439

Wales 

Ooooo, never seen this thread before.....get ready Laughing Steve.

Post #556565 Tue May 15 2018 8:52pm
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Cymruambyth



Member Since: 27 Feb 2017
Location: North Wales
Posts: 1439

Wales 

HughN wrote:
A group of engineers from LR are in Japan visiting the Lexus factory, hoping to pick up some tips on quality control. The Lexus engineer tells them that they check the fit of the doors by locking a cat in a car overnight. If the cat has suffocated in the morning, they know that the doors are a good fit.

The LR engineers are impressed and decide to do the same when they get back to blighty. They lock a cat in a Defender and leave it.

In the morning the cat has gone...


Rolling with laughter Steve.

Post #556566 Tue May 15 2018 8:53pm
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HughN



Member Since: 10 Sep 2017
Location: West Sussex
Posts: 277

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Zambezi Silver
For French homosexuals?

For lonely French homosexuals?

(Two insults for the price of one!)

 "I am never content until I have constructed a model of the subject I am studying. If I succeed in making one, I understand; otherwise I do not" - Lord Kelvin

'06 RRS 2.7 TDV6 HSE
'14 D4 3.0 TDV6 HSE
Disco II Td5 - gone (went to Africa)
Disco I V8 - gone (no engine, brakes or power-steering but towed away by a Suzuki Jimny on a 6ft rope)
Disco I V8 - gone
[Plus two Freelanders I'd rather forget but my wife liked]

Post #558715 Mon Jun 11 2018 6:44pm
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