A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken back because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.' 2002 Discovery Adventurer LE
1998 Freelander xedi
Ertl limited edition RRS model number 817

 My Gladiators:

RRS S/C HST - respect of the highest order
Freeloader 2 SE with all the toys - my baby RR

Disco3 - Gone
Defender 90 TD - Gone
FFRR Vogue - Gone
BMW X5 4.4 - Gone
LR Defender Tdi - Gone

A penguin takes his car to a mechanic because there is a funny noise coming from under the bonnet.The penguin goes and buys himself an ice cream then goes back to the garage.

“Oh, hello,” says the mechanic, wiping his hands on a cloth.

“Hello,” replies the penguin. “Was it anything serious?”

“Not really, but it looks like you’ve blown a seal.”

“Oh no, no, no!” says the penguin, wiping his mouth. “It’s just ice cream.”

and

On a train from London to Manchester an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment,

“You English are too stiff. You set yourself apart too much. You think your stiff upper lips make you above the rest of us. Look at me… I’m me. I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?”

The Englishman replied,

“Very sporting of your mother.” My Gladiators:

RRS S/C HST - respect of the highest order
Freeloader 2 SE with all the toys - my baby RR

Disco3 - Gone
Defender 90 TD - Gone
FFRR Vogue - Gone
BMW X5 4.4 - Gone
LR Defender Tdi - Gone

 RRS 2.7 TDV6 HSE Zambezi silver,Alpaca.
On Order - LRX expected 2010
DO NOT CLICK HERE!

A 7 year old boy and his 4 year old brother are upstairs in their bedroom.
"You know what?", says the 7 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing."
The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
"When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to swear first, then you swear after me, ok?"
"Ok, Ok" the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast.
"I'll have some of that Weetabix shit !"
*SMACK*!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.
She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man????"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but it won't be f*****g Weetabix!" RRS TDV6 Gone but still around

SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
BMW 320D M Sport (gone)
Shaguar Hard Type
And A Van For Rex!

Oh and i love the girlzzzzzzzzzz!!!

 Arctic Frost TDV6 SE. Aspen Leather, Cherry Wood, Privacy Glass, PTI, Tow Pack, Mudflaps, Tasmods, a new Fuelflap, a RRSport.co.uk umbrella in the boot & a RRSport.co.uk sticker on the rear glass.
__________________

Very good  Speed Limits! not where I live!

2008.5MY RRS TDV8, Stornoway Grey with Ebony & Rhodium. Stornoway mirror covers, Smoked side repeaters, Supercharger centre caps, chrome boot opener, Stanless steel exhaust ends, and of course RRSPORT.CO.UK rear window sticker.

Did have: Q7 3.0TDi S-Line/Tech/Comms pack
Did Have: Disco3 HSE

I can see it now  

S i can see your boy's doing that  RRS TDV6 Gone but still around

SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
BMW 320D M Sport (gone)
Shaguar Hard Type
And A Van For Rex!

Oh and i love the girlzzzzzzzzzz!!!

Exactly... I overheard SJ1 in the bath playing with his toys going "Bugger! This is all crap!" - hope he doesn't say things like that at nursery  

Not it's worse when he's with his pal's  RRS TDV6 Gone but still around

SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
BMW 320D M Sport (gone)
Shaguar Hard Type
And A Van For Rex!

Oh and i love the girlzzzzzzzzzz!!!

A Glaswegian walks into a pub, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees it's filled to the brim with £10 notes. He guesses there must be thousands of pounds in it. He approaches the barman and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

"Well, you pay £10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money."

The Glaswegian certainly isn't going to pass up this chance. "What are the three tests?"

"Pay first, those are the rules." says the barman.

So the man gives him the £10, and the barman drops it into the jar.

"OK," the barman says, here's what you need to do"...
1. You have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila... the whole thing, all at once... and you can't make a face while doing it.
2. There's a pit bull chained-up outside with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands
3. There's a 90-year-old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. "You've gotta make things right for her."

The tough Glaswegian is stunned. "I know I paid my £10, but I'm not an idiot. I won't do it. You have to be bonkers to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then do those other things....

"It's up to you," says the barman, "but your money stays where it is."

As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"

He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face.

Next, he staggers outside where the pit bull is chained-up, and soon all the people inside the bar hear a noisy, scuffle going on outside. They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping, and then... silence.

Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches all over his body.

"Now," he says, "where's the old woman with the sore tooth? 
" WITH MORE EXTRAS THAN A HOLLYWOOD EPIC "