A recent survey in England asked the following question to a 1000 ordinary people :

Are there too many foreigners in this country now ?

Answer:

20% said : Yes

10% said : No

70% said : можете вы сказать мне где востребовать свободно benifits


 I used to be Indecisive ! but now i dont give a f***

OUCH !

Christmas Joke

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Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

'In honour of this Holy Season' St Peter said 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven'

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on 'It represents a candle' he said

'You may pass through the pearly gates' said St Peter.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He rattled them and said 'They're bells'.

St Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The third man started desperately searching through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of womans panties.

St Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked 'And what do those symbolize?

The Man replied













'These are Carols' "I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.....
Not screaming in terror like his passengers."

Christmas Joke 2

Tampax have just announced that they replacing the little bit of white string with a length of tinsel !!


But its only for the Christmas Period  "I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.....
Not screaming in terror like his passengers."

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct.

Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties.
He can't keep his heart rate down
And she's got diabetes.

Mary had a little skirt
With splits right up the sides
And everywhere that Mary went
The boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front
...But she didn't wear that one often.

Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man
'What have u got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon
Pies you dickhead.

Mary had a little lamb
it ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
and turned its wool to nylon.

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
he kissed them too cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
and grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy. 

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a duck
She put them on the mantlepiece
To see if they would....fall off Real Off-roader - Suzuki Jimny (SN413), KAP 3" Lift, KAP Full Roll Cage, ARB Locker, On-board Air, Winch bumpers front and rear, Wrangler MT's, Recaros.

A new advent calendar has been brought out just for scousers
all 25 windows are boarded up, and the presents have been nicked "I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.....
Not screaming in terror like his passengers."

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to fetch her poor dog a bone,
When she bent over Rover took over and gave her a bone of her own! RRS 2.7 TDV6 HSE Zambezi silver,Alpaca.
On Order - LRX expected 2010
DO NOT CLICK HERE!

Hickory Dickory Dock
The mouse ran up the clock
When it came down
Its bum was brown
And so was the Cuckoos c k

I think we've reached the level we all can understand!  RRS 2.7 TDV6 HSE Zambezi silver,Alpaca.
On Order - LRX expected 2010
DO NOT CLICK HERE!

Shopping in China

A man went on business to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids. He went to a shop and found a nice looking CD player. Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, 'What would happen if this does not work?'

The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English :
'GUARANTEE NO SPOILT'.

Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel. He immediately tried to use the CD player but it would not even switch on.

He quickly returned to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit. When the shopkeeper refused to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of a guarantee.

The shopkeeper then said, 'Brother, you are in China . We read from the right to the left.'  Malaysia Boleh!
4.2SC Chawton White, Stormers
Tasmod's Sills, Wind Deflectors, LR Sills
Clear Side Repeaters, Towbar
Larini Sports Exhaust, K&N Air Filter

TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL.

THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, 'GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.'

THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.

AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, 'YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!' 'DEAD?' SAYS HIS FRIEND, 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT? 'WELL , SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER.' HIS FRIEND SAYS, 'COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH.' 'A WITCH, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?'

'WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW, TAKING MY TEETH WITH HER.' "I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.....
Not screaming in terror like his passengers."

 RRS TDV6 Gone but still around

SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
Shaguar Hard Type (know you all miss her but she's gone)
And A Van For Rex!

Oh and i love the girlzzzzzzzzzz!!!